Twin Flames Are Bullshit!

Why the entire concept of a twin flame needs to die in a fire.

Photo By David Tadevosian

The spiritual, psychic, and tarot community has been overrun with the idea of a twin flame. As someone who is spiritual, psychic, and reads tarot, I think this concept does more harm than good. I have yet to see someone benefit emotionally and spiritually from this concept and feel the entire idea of a twin flame needs to be deleted from our psyche immediately because all it does is promote reliance on others for happiness and purpose when you need to be finding happiness and a sense of fulfillment from within.

Twin flames also promote toxic relationships and obsessive behavior. I read tarot professionally for over a year and most of the questions I was asked related to love. 4 out of 5 people asking about their love interest referred to that person as a “twin flame” even if that person was toxic, emotionally abusive, or just had no interest in them at all.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, twin flames are said to be someone’s spiritual other half who mirrors your soul and different aspects of your personality and psyche. Because they are a mirror, that is used as an excuse for someone constantly fighting with their twin flames and having a toxic relationship with them.

So even if you’re screaming at each other and hurting each other emotionally, and sometimes even physically, according to a lot of articles, books, and videos by spiritual charlatans, that person can still be your twin flame because you feel an intense passion and connection to them even if they’re bad for you.

Among all the clients who asked me for a reading about their supposed “twin flame” most of these people were in some kind of toxic relationship with that person. Their twin flames were emotionally abusive, loved gaslighting them, lied to them constantly, cheated on them, and were overall very manipulative and awful for the people I was reading for.

The rest of the twin flame clients who were not in a toxic relationship with their twin flame, were being completely ignored by their love interest who was already in a relationship with someone else.

Common issues that people have in love and relationships get blown out of proportion with the idea of a twin flame connection. Rather than seeing emotional abuse for what it is, that twin flame connection is used to either excuse that toxic behavior or simply ignore it because of a “deep connection.”

“Dan cheated on me five times and always makes me feel like it’s my fault, but I know he’s my twin flame and we have a deep connection that I can’t have with anyone else. What will our future together look like? Will we get married and have kids?”

“Melissa has a girlfriend and only says ‘hi’ to me at work, but I know she’s my twin flame because I can’t stop thinking about her and I know I’m better for her than her girlfriend is. When will she break up with her girlfriend?”

These are typical twin flame questions I was asked as a tarot reader. When you get a question like that, there’s a lot to unpack. A shitty tarot reader, who only cares about collecting cash would just tell these types of people what they want to hear:

“Yeah, the cards say Dan is your twin flame. He keeps cheating on you because he’s scared of commitment and scared of getting too close but he’s the one. Just hang in there and keep getting cheated on and eventually you’ll get married, have kids, and he will not only cheat on you but father kids outside of your marriage. Enjoy!”

The money-hungry tarot readers won’t be blunt enough to add that last part, but that’s what will happen if that client stays with Dan. You don’t need to be psychic to see that shit a mile away!

So maybe that’s just my personal experience with over a hundred clients from all over the world who just happen to have childish and unrealistic expectations of what a relationship and partner should be. That doesn’t mean the entire concept of a “twin flame” is toxic, does it?

Yes, it does! Let’s just look at why that phrase is so popular now in the first place…

I tried to find the source of the exact term “twin flame” but could not find anything talking about where the term itself originated, just where the idea of a perfect other half originated.

From personal experience, I’ve heard the term used a lot in the past decade and overused the past 5 years. In the 80s and 90s, the term “soulmate” was more commonly used and did not seem to have the same toxic associations that “twin flame” does.

The phrase “twin flame” is now used in most videos, articles, and books related to spirituality and divination. These same videos, books, and articles exist to make money and have zero issues using spirituality and love to manipulate people into giving them cash.

YouTube videos and TikTok videos telling people that the person they’re obsessed with is totally their twin flame are some of the most popular videos in the divination category.

If someone sees that a certain type of video is popular, they will make more videos like that, so YouTube and TikTok are now overrun with shitty love readings that encourage obsession and toxic relationships in exchange for cash and views.

Twin flame readings are especially popular among teens and people in their 20s who already have immature notions of love but now believe there is some cosmic connection to that person who is horrible for them.

When that terrible relationship really goes South, that person ends up getting more hurt because their expectations were raised to otherworldly proportions. A normal heartbreak also becomes a spiritual loss that leaves that person emptier than before and questioning everything in their life.

The concept of a soul being split in two and having a cosmic partner dates back thousands of years, but I just don’t think that concept is good or helpful for people in the modern world because it causes them to rely too much on the idea of another person completing them.

They end up having unhealthy and unrealistic expectations of people and relationships because they feel isolated and lonely and turn to materialism and fantasies of a perfect partner to fill a void that they can only fill themselves through spiritual work.

The spiritual journey is about finding wholeness and balance from within. We are the only ones who can complete ourselves, no outside force can do that for us.

But most people are scared of being alone, even if it’s just for a certain period of time, so they latch on to this idea of another half who will do all the spiritual work for them and give them unconditional love no matter what. It doesn’t work like that.

I think it’s healthier and more reasonable to think of “soul connections” which can mean friends, acquaintances, casual hookups, romantic partners, and even animal companions that you are connected to by soul or spirit and have known through many lifetimes. These are humans and animals we have known in other lives and who have different degrees of importance in our current life.

Not every soul connection has to be some deep, intense romantic relationship, most of them are not, but that connection is still important and will teach you important lessons that you must learn in order to spiritually evolve.

But even if a person is a soul connection, that does not mean that excuses toxic and abusive behavior. A person can be shitty in the 1800s and still be shitty in 2057. Maybe your lesson is to learn that and walk away because back in the 1800s you didn’t walk away when you should have. Not all soul connections are good ones. Discernment is very important.

So the entire idea of a “twin flame” needs to die in a fire. I’m totally fine with never hearing that idiotic term ever again. Instead of looking towards outside sources for approval, love, and fulfillment, we need to look within and see that the perfect partner for us is ourselves.



Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store