Yanked into the Abyss again and again.

Photo By Meryl Katys

Last night I dreamt that I was in a house and the male warden was pointing a gun at my head. I tried to get away, but the gun moved wherever I moved, so I had to stay still and be submissive even though every part of me wanted to fight back. This looming, psychotic male presence had power over me because of that gun and there was nothing I could do.

The feeling of powerlessness and being trapped was the dominant component of my childhood. Here I was, 38 years old and being yanked back to my Childhood Abyss…

Sounds dark but there’s a good reason for it.

Photo by wing wing

I haven’t had sex in 19 months. Before getting sober, this was unheard of. When I partied and drank a lot, I used to have sex with 1–2 complete strangers a week. But as I wrote in my article “Getting Sober Destroyed my Sex Life” Getting sober…destroyed my sex life.

The last person I had sex with was a stranger at the Full Moon Party in Koh Phangan. Before hooking up with him, I hadn’t had sex in 2 years! When I say my sex life changed completely once I became sober, I mean it!

The thing that stood out…

7 Popular Misconceptions about tarot.

All pics are by the author.

Tarot has been a big part of my life ever since I picked up my first tarot deck four years ago. Even though I’ve only been reading for four years, I have been doing divination since I was a child and read professionally for over a year.

I recently retired from reading tarot for money since it was draining me of my energy. I’m glad I did it though since it taught me a lot. I still read for myself pretty much every day and am always studying the cards and their history.

Since tarot…

How and why “The Spring Roll Paper Lady” went viral.

Screenshot of my viral video, all pictures are by the author.

Ten years ago, I shot a 34-second video of a Thai woman making spring roll paper in Bangkok.

It was a random video that I put up without thinking much about it.

That video currently has over 8.6 million views. But how did it go viral? Was it just random luck, or is there a method to the YouTube algorithm madness?

The simple answer is a bit of both.

If you look at my channel, it seems chaotic. I have had a YouTube channel since YouTube first started. I have always put videos that I find interesting without worrying about…

A Story About My Vegan Journey

Me as a kid. All photos are by the author.

I’m a first-generation American who grew up in a Guatemalan and El Salvadorian household. If you know anything about Latinx culture, you will know the food is delicious but full of meat.

Growing up, there would be barbecues at my house practically every weekend with piles of carne asada (grilled meat), salty sausages, salsa, rice, and potato salad. My diet as a child was like 40% meat, 30% sugar, 20% carbs produce, and 10% fresh fruits and veggie Needless to say, I was a fat kid!

10 of the Strangest and Darkest Places in BKK

Cute, baby skeletons at Congdon’s Anatomical Museum, all pictures are by the author.

The spirit world is a huge part of daily life in Thai culture. In front of most buildings in Thailand, you will see a spirit house with daily offerings of red Fanta, water, fruit, rice, or even cooked Thai food. Strings of flowers arranged for protection and used as spirit offerings are sold every morning on the busy streets.

Covid is for bad for the wildlife exploitation business, but a win for the elephants!

A typical elephant riding camp, complete with bullhooks and stupid tourists. All photos by the author.

The first time I saw a working elephant in Thailand, I had just moved to Bangkok over a decade ago. I was walking through a popular, touristy, red light district in central Bangkok called Patpong. There were hundreds of loud, smelly cars and people everywhere.

I saw a baby elephant with an elephant handler, called a “mahout,” pushing a long, sharp bullhook against the baby elephant’s neck and pinching the baby elephant’s ear to force her to perform. …

Mark’s altar. All photos by the author.

I’m writing this letter to you with your ashes wrapped up in a small bundle. I kept the coarse, white cloth the crematorium guy put you in and added an extra, soft black fabric I got at the fabric store so I can cuddle with you. There are tear stains on the black cloth that I need to wash off, but otherwise, your bundle of ashes looks very cute and cuddly.

I miss you, but you know that because I keep telling your spirit every single day. …

Are your coconuts supporting monkey slavery?

All photos in this article are by the author.

Because of PETA’s campaign to expose monkey coconut picking slaves in Thailand, major companies in the UK and U.S. have boycotted Thai coconut products. I am happy this happened since I have been disturbed by this practice ever since I witnessed it first hand while living on the island of Koh Phangan in Southern Thailand.

Not every coconut in Thailand is picked by monkeys. Most arent. The problem is that Thailand currently doesn’t have a way to trace the exact source of all the coconuts they sell. A small farm that uses monkey slavery…

I was raised by two of the biggest toxic pieces of shit I will ever meet in this lifetime. Society would refer to these abusers as my “mother” and “father” but they are not my parents in any way shape or form, blood be damned. Hence, my more appropriate name for them: the wardens.

What made it so difficult to get away from the wardens was that they made me reliant on them. I didn’t realize that I was reliant on them though. When you grow up in an abusive family, you don’t know how bad it is because you…


Vegan witch & mother of 3 cats. Currently in Bangkok. I write about my life, animal rights, travel, and other shit. Leave a tip here: https://ko-fi.com/tracydot

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